Best Furniture Ever

How many of you can really say you have one of these in your living room?

Koala Koala

Say hello to our menacing little marsupial friends! Ah, they look fuzzy and cute on the outside, but when you're alone sleeping at 2AM in the morning...

GIVE ME CORYMBIA, I'M CUTE

These little guys sleep around 18 hours a day. Jealous much?
 These poor little peoples have had their population drop 90% in less than a decade, due to deforestation. Dang it, pyromaniacs, why don't you lay off the firewood and burn my teacher's lesson plans instead?

Gummy Candy

If you're not familiar with these, then you definitely are not from the planet Earth! (or at least the U.S.)

I would never be able to express to the fullest extent how much I love these things. Sweet, sour, chewy, high fructose corn syrupy goodness in a convenient worm shape. Those little critters up there and many other gelatinous gummy goodies are made of edible gelatin (whose use traces back to the times of the Egyptian pharaohs), sugar, sugar, and more sugar. Oh, and sunblock. But that's another story. 

But besides the worms, Trolli just came out with these new Sour Gummi Eggs things, which are pretty out-there, if I do say so myself...

EAT ME I'M YUMMY

All this talk about worms and whatnot reminds me of a song my Kindergarden class had to sing a lot. It had something to do with biting a worm's head off, sucking the guts out, and then throwing the tail away (because who wants the tail? BLERGH.) 

Good times!

Fairytale Violence

What exactly is the deal with fairytales?

What happens when Jack and Jill go up the hill to fetch a pail of water? Jack falls down and smashes his head open on the concrete. Hurrah, children! Now you have learned to never to walk down hills with pails of water.

What's next? Super stalker wolves gobbling up innocent, sick grandmothers who live in the woods.

You can't forget the evil stepsisters who cut off a heel and a toe to fit into a shoe. They also get both their eyes pecked out by cute little sparrows during Cinderella's wedding. Whoopee.

If you're a mermaid with red hair, always remember to poison yourself and turn into seafoam when you can't be with your Prince Charming.

And of course, never trust strangers who live in a house completely made of candy, because they're just going to fatten you up and then shove you into a burning furnace to make meat pie out of you. Dang, don't you just love the stories we grew up on?

These stories are all pretty violent, no? The list of violent children's stories goes on. But hey, they are pretty entertaining. What would children be like if Disney had not decided to completely alter and romanticize Grimm stories? We all turned out fine, really! Well, if you ignore the fact that we all find it so excruciatingly hilarious when others get hurt, that is.

Admittedly I adore fairy tales, I think they're rather fascinating. To me, a story about a King enslaving young women in an empty stone room filled with bales of hay would be much more fascinating than a story about  how Joe had another boring day at work in his secretarial office.

The moral of the story? Whatever you do, try not to end up like the little old lady who lived in a shoe!

Of course this one is a nursery rhyme, but you get my point, no?

Criss cross

"CRISS CROSS APPLESAUCE"

Ah, the lovely phrase we use to tell children to sit down Indian style with their legs crossed. Who made up this phase anyway? I understand the "criss cross" part, since the position denotes the crossing of the legs, but where exactly does applesauce come in to play? Really?

 

(Although I love applesauce, most pictures looked like regurgitated puke... that we LOVE)

But seriously, I don't see the relationship between leg crossing and applesauce. Besides the fact that they somewhat rhyme.

Okay, so, apparently the phrase came from a little song.

Criss Cross Apple Sauce
Spiders crawling up your back
Spiders here, Spiders there
Spiders even in your hair
Cool breeze, tight squeeze
Now you've got the shiveries

 Because you know we all love it when you make up your own non-existent rhyming words.

But beside the point, that song is just plain creepy. But now the question is.. how does leg crossing = applesauce = spiders of all things? Ah, I give up. I'll just go enjoy my applesauce now. But you know what's better than applesauce?

 

STRAWBERRY APPLE SAUCE!!!!!!

Snacks

What do most people snack on? Fruit?

 

What do people consider snacks anyway? Sometimes I see people whip up an entire meal-- the whole shebang-- and call it a snack. I think I have weird taste in snacks. Lately, I've been pretty into cheese squares

and pickle slices

Weird, right?

First Post

Okay, so I guess this one is just a tester. Think this is boring? Well, I guess I'll just have to have this little guy entertain you.